With summer break in full swing, I had this list of things I wanted to accomplish. I was going to work on school stuff with BB, work on calming and self regulation techniques with LB, read and work on multiplication with Tater, and just love the dickens out of LS.
Then Thursday happened.......
Thursday was a horrible day. And when I say horrible....I mean far beyond bad and deep, deep into horrible. I guess I tend to blog, share, and post about the positive things about fostering....and well my family in general, but Thursday took the cake and the positive momentarily away.
Thursday all patience went out the window, all smiles were scowls, and all the giggles turned to cries, screams and attitude. There was nothing glorious or wonderful about their behavior or mine on Thursday. On Thursday, I doubted my effectiveness as a foster mom....and well, mom in general.
However, when the dust settled....and Papa came home to help, hugs were given, prayers we lifted up, and apologies were made, we moved forward. Keep moving forward.
So, in the shadow of Thursday, I am soaking in some more recent blessings and rays of hope. You see, LS excepts her life with us with open arms. She doesn't know anything different, and the void she did have, we filled and all is good. However, BB and LB have gone from a life of doing whatever they wanted, to structure and guidelines to how life is done. To a four, and now six year old little boy, that can seem unfair. I often wonder if they would want to be adopted by us if it came to that.
But sometimes, I get a glimpse of twinkle, a moment of clarity in their little minds that says 'yes...they love me, yes....they want what's best for me, and yes....I could love them back.'
BB- Friday, after an amazing family fun day, I was running BB's bath. When I asked him to do the 'toe test', I realized the water was too hot. I told him to wait just a second while I ran some colder water and mixed it with my own hand. BB asked me if the water was too hot to my hand. I told him it was hot, but this is what mommies do. He smiled at me and said 'you are the best mommy I've ever had.' Count your blessings, name them one by one.....
LB- Friday night, when I was sitting with LB while he went to sleep, he reached out and grabbed my hand. Then with his freckled nose and blue eyes, he said 'thank you for being my mommy'. Count your blessings, see what God has done....
LS- Today, Saturday, LS and I went to run some errands together. While in the van, she kept saying 'mommy' and I say 'yes??' To which she would reply 'mommy' and I would once again say 'yes??' This little game continued for a few minutes as I caught glimpses of her little grin in the rear view mirror. We play this game often. She likes to make sure that I'm still her 'mommy' and that I am still near. Count your blessings, name them one by one....
Tater- Tater girl recently came into possession of a prayer journal in a sibling trade with BB for a snowman notepad. The other day, she wanted to know if I wanted to know what was in her journal. Of course I did. She read to me her list of request, her petitions she was bringing before her Heavenly Father. Then she read to me her lists of things she was thankful for. While there were things covered like her favorite toys, a house, food, and her family in general.....the one that stuck out was this: 'Thank you God for leading my mom and dad and me into foster care. Thank you for letting me see you change my brothers and sister and changing me.'
Count your blessings, see what GOD HAS DONE.
