Blessed by the elderly and bikers...all in the same day.

Merry Christmas!! And as we approach the New Year, I pray that God is showing up in obvious ways in your daily life.
This Christmas season was a bit more crazy than we are used to.  Add three young children anxiously awaiting Christmas, and you are guaranteed more crazy :)  All in all, thanks to so many of God's angels here on Earth, we were able to provide an AMAZING Christmas for our kids.  Several times it was deemed 'the best Christmas EVER!'
Papa and I were continually amazed at how many people love and care about our kiddos.  The day after Christmas, we received a call for our CASA (court appointed special advocate).  He said he wanted to drop by because he had some things for our kids.  He shows up with four BEAUTIFUL hand made quilts.  These quilts were made by his mother and sister as part of Project Linus. (www.projectlinus.org) He has to be near 70, so I'm guessing his mother is somewhere in her 90's, and she and the ladies at her nursing home make quilts that Project Linus distributes to children in hospitals, foster care, and any child in need of the comfort a blankie can bring.  I was truly touched that these women do this, and that our children received one.

Later that afternoon, Papa went to the mailbox to get the mail.  Of course in the stack were several Christmas cards, ads for the newest sales, and an envelope with no return address.  Assuming it was another Christmas card, we ripped into it.  However, what was inside took us by surprise.  It was a Christmas card, but inside was a very generous gift with a business card that said 'Sons of Santa'.  Written on the card were these words 'Take care of those kids.'  I immediately tried to google these Sons of Santa to get more information, however I didn't have much luck.  After reaching out to Facebook, my cousin informed me that the Sons of Santa were part of the biker organization BACA or bikers against child abuse. (www.bacaworld.org)
How these people came to learn about us or our kiddos is beyond me.  But it really got me thinking about how different these two groups were....a 90 year old woman in a nursing home quilting, and a biker gang that speaks out against child abuse.  Both of them took it upon themselves to bless us and our kids this Christmas.  I am truly humbled and amazed at God's provision and blessings.
I also spent a lot of time thinking about Mary.  Mary Did You Know has always been one of my favorite Christmas carols.  Now, some of you might think this is a stretch....but bear with me.  In my head it is profound and makes perfect sense ;)
I figure Mary and I have a lot in common.  Both of us spent time raising a child(ren) that were not ours from the start.  Mary held and rocked Jesus knowing that she would one day have to give Him up.  I hold and comfort kids that most likely will leave me someday for their 'real parents'.  I am sure Mary soaked up all the snuggles and time with young Jesus because she knew that one day His mission and purpose would take Him away from her. I  soak up every hug and snuggle and 'I love you' because I know that someday they may go back to a life that does not encourage such tenderness.
But in all my comparing, I came up with one major difference.  I love, comfort, and nurture these kids because it is what they are lacking (have lacked) and what THEY NEED.  I wonder how many times Mary held baby Jesus and realized how much SHE NEEDED Him.  How much the whole world had lacked what He had the power to give.  I wonder how many times she tucked Him in at night and pour out her worries and concerns for the future as He snored peacefully near by.
As a mother, it is a lot to take in...it is a lot to think about.  I'm not sure that I could have done what Mary did.  However, when push comes to shove...she was willing to be used. She was willing to say 'the heck with what others say....I will follow His will for my life, and not my own'.  She was not afraid to be uncomfortable in a selfish world that preaches comfort at all cost.
Francis Chan is one of my favorite inspirational authors.  God used his book, The Forgotten God, to encourage me to take a pretty big leap of faith a few years ago.  And his words and quotes ring in my head quite often....

“But God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through.” 

― Francis Chan, Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God

As you stare 2015 in the face, are you willing to be uncomfortable?  Are you willing to take a step that DEPENDS on God coming through on His promises? Everyone's comfort level is different and thus what makes us uncomfortable will look different.  Whatever it is for you, I pray you have the strength and faith to be uncomfortable this new year.

“It is true that God may have called you to be exactly where you are. But, it is absolutely vital to grasp that he didn’t call you there so you could settle in and live your life in comfort and superficial peace.” 

― Francis Chan, Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit

Whoa God...to much!! to much!!

:) I hate that it has been so long since my last blog post!! I take my computer when I think I am going to have time....but then I don't.  I have great intentions of updating after the kids are in bed.....but then I fall asleep.  So....here it is :)

A TON has happened since the last blog post.  First off, let me explain this posts title.

Soon after my last update, Papa and I were made aware that bio dad was attending our church in hopes of receiving help from the homeless ministry there.  We had been told (because it is what he told the courts) that he had returned back to his home state.  We were surprised and shocked to find out that he was living homeless here in our backyard!!
Immediately I start asking, 'Why God? Why are you making this so difficult?'  I immediately feel as though I am being tested.  How much can I handle?  Do we ask him to stop coming? Can we legally do that? And then I was reminded as to why we are fostering through the private agency we are.  The 'systems' goal is re-unification.  That has to be our goal as well.  And what is best for the kids?  Parents that know and love the Lord is what is best.  I remember meetings with our church staff as we asked them to be a partner church with this agency, and how the foster care ministry would be the perfect compliment to the homeless ministry.  As they nurture and mentor parents, we have a safe place for their children to be placed.

Ok God.  I get it.  This is actually an answer to my prayer, and the perfect picture of what 'the church' is supposed to be.  We honestly believe bio dad doesn't know the kids go there.  Papa has seen him a few times, but we have the most amazing church family that rallies around us and the kids to protect them from seeing bio dad and not being able to go with him.  My prayer every Sunday is that he does come.  That he is there.  And that he hears, and his life is touched.

We also had another court date.  Bio dad requested that he be given custody of the kids and the ability to take them back to their home state.  Bio mom remains incarcerated.  (I am unsure of her release date.) DFCS was pushing to have the kids transferred to another foster home(s) in that state until that state was able to clear dad for custody.  However, bio dad tested positive for drugs, so his request was denied.  Bio mom WAS NOT happy to put it lightly, and wants the kids to stay put until she can 'get out'.

I was very encouraged by that.  I felt a tug on my heart for her.  If re-unification happens..this woman is the kids only hope.  I feel very led to reach out to her.  Maybe mom to mom, God can create a relationship that He can move through.  This is not easy for me.  I am very ignorant of drugs and addictions.  I see her as lazy, selfish, and un-fit to be a mother to these kids.  However, I must see her how God sees her. He loves her.  He sees the amazing woman He created.  This has consumed my prayer life lately.  I struggle with what to say and how to say it.  I struggle with not sounding 'better' than she is.  I am no better than she is.  I have simply been washed by grace.  My Savior is better, and she desperately needs to know Him.

We are coming up on the end of our Thanksgiving holidays.  We took the kids to Crackle Barrel to celebrate.  We had a lot of fun and they ate a plate full!! We have court again in December. We will see then what will happen next. Your prayers are always appreciated.  There is power in the unity of prayer....and Papa and I feel it!!!

Have you ever had one of those days.........

Have you ever had one of those days when you can feel THE ENEMY hurling things at you like an opponent in a cosmic spiritual game of doge ball??  Yesterday was one of those days.

It started as any other day.  Everyone up, everyone feed, everyone dressed, everyone headed off to school.  Around lunch time, I received a text from our county case manager (F) that court, which we were told was canceled, actually happened and the judge ordered that bio dad gets to see his children before he goes back to OH where they are from.  He was headed back yesterday evening.  So, we had our first experience with a bio family visit without any warning or any time to prepare.
Unfortunately, N (our private agency case manager) was already transporting other children and could not transport ours or supervise their visit. F was three hours away out of town, so she could not transport or supervise their visit.  The answer was to have a stranger (a different DFCS worker) come and pick up the kids and transport them to the visit.  RRRRRRRKKKKKKK! (That's the sound of brakes screeching to a hault.)
I'm sorry, call me a Foster Mama Bear, but who thinks it would be beneficial to have a stranger pick up these children from school (a safe place for them) and transport them to a strange place to meet with a man that abandoned them a month ago without any warning?? Anyone??  Show of hands??  No one?? That's what I thought! Well, it did not sit well with me.  Papa took off work and picked the kiddos up and transported them to the meeting,  (Ball #1 - dodged)
The meeting went well. Papa stayed outside and a DFCS worker supervised the visit.  However, when the visit was over, LB and LS came back to Papa no problem. BB wanted to stay with bio dad and let it known.  That is emotionally very hard.  We love these kids, and pour our hearts and time into them and when push comes to shove....I believe they would choose their bio parents every time. (Ball #2 - dodged...but barely)
At the meeting, Papa was told the boys talked to dad about how they are learning to make good choices and they were good boys, they just sometimes make bad choices. (Yeah!!!) While the brothers were sharing such good things, bio dad was feeding them pizza, candy, chips, and Mountain Dew. Once safely back in the family minivan, Papa put on some calm music and all three kiddos passed out.  (Ball #3 - you could hear the ball whiz by your ear...a little toooo close....but dodged)  
All three took a nice nap in the van, however, when they woke up.....there were a lot of emotions.  BB and LS cried a lot about very little things....sun in their eyes, shoes not feeling right, thirsty, hungry, etc.  LB just wanted to talk about everything.  So many 'why' questions and more stories about the old home life similar to when they first came to us.  Lots of patience, and more calm music and BB and LS fell back asleep, LB continued to ask questions.  (Ball #4 - dodged easily)
On top of all this, we have our first training weekend at church for others who want to become foster parents.  At the setup, the brothers were running around like chickens with their heads cut off.  They were being demanding, not using kind words and melting down into tantrums at a moments notice.  Very similar to when they first came to us.  60 minutes with bio dad took a months worth of work, and flushed it down the toilet.  LS was very clingy and broke down into a HUGE meltdown when she thought I was leaving her.  At this point Papa and I are exhausted, worn out, and heart broken at the hurt these kiddos have to endure.  Feeling very discouraged that we are going to have to start all over.  (Ball #5 - is headed straight at your face....you are frozen.) However, when I go to pick LS up, she snuggles into me and squeezes hard.  She feels safe with me, she views me as 'mama'. I get a text from Papa (who took the brothers home) that said once they were back home, changed clothes, washed faces, that they kind of 'snapped out of it' and were back to playing nicely and using kind words. (At the last minute, you drop to the floor avoiding Ball #5 - dodged.) It looks like we won't have to start all over.
So, Papa and the brothers are at home and Tater, LS and I are at church to help with the training.  A quick run to Burger King for dinner serves up the last straw.......A large amount of chicken nuggets and apples for the girls, and a Big Diet Coke and onion rings for the Mama :)  We get back to church and the lid isn't on my Diet Coke tight and as I pick it up, it slips and starts to fall.  Having lightening quick reflexes, I catch it...careful not to spill any, and expertly re-attach the lid. (Ball #6 - DODGED!!!)
SATAN.....READ THE END OF THE BOOK! YOU DO NOT WIN!!!
I heard a Sermon once that talked about how much Satan did not want the cross to happen.  He didn't want Jesus to die on the cross.  Why is that?  Jesus suffered on the cross, you would think that Satan enjoys when we suffer.  However, Jesus' suffering was purely un-selfish.  His suffering meant the possibility for our freedom.  We don't have to wait for the end....our destiny and the end of our story was already decided on the cross. Satan does not win, He will not rule over my emotions, actions, or feelings.  I belong to Jesus.
This game of dodge ball is OVER!

Fostering is not half bad if you didn't have to deal with adults.......

Those of you who also follow me on Facebook, will know we had an AMAZING day at the Pumpkin Patch and Apple Orchard yesterday.

We explored and and ran through the super huge pumpkins, picked out our pumpkins for decorating, and took LOTS of fun pictures.  Then we went to the apple orchard and let the kiddos run through the rows of trees and pick apples, talk to goats, and checked out the chickens.  There were smiles and giggles all day long!! It was such a blessing to have a happy day with the kiddos.  No tears, no fits, everyone was happy! (That is rare with our four!)

With yesterday full of encouragement, today was a slap in the face.  Papa and I were anxiously looking forward to Thursday.  We were both taking off work and attending the kiddos first juvenile court hearing. (Now, keep in mind that you are supposed to have a hearing within 72 hours of placement.....we have had the brothers for a month, and not one hearing.)  I email the case workers today for a time, and was told there was no court. :(  So, when was it rescheduled for?  Why was it moved? The answers to my questions are always "I don't know" "That is not covered under my job description"

I was absolutely fuming this afternoon.  One thing I NEED is the kiddos immunization records.  Schools are asking for them, our pediatrician is asking for them, and they are kinda good things to have.  I sarcastically want to say "I don't know" "That is not covered under my job description".  But you know what?? It is in my job description, because I am those kids ADVOCATE.  It is my job to fight for them.  It is my job to stand up for them.  Because they cannot stand for themselves.  They are to young and to little to fight.  And you know what....they shouldn't have to.

There is a battle that I myself am not capable of  fighting alone.  That is the spiritual battle that wages war around us everyday.  I needed an advocate.  I needed someone to stand in my place and fight because I am to small and to weak.  God sent that advocate in the human form when He sent Jesus.  Because He stood for me on the cross, I can have life eternal.  Because I stand for these kids, they will have the hope of a better life and they will grow up (at least while they are with us) knowing the Truth.  

Please join me in praying for the over worked case managers.  That they will not grow weary and let kids slip through the cracks.  Please pray that foster parents will have the strength to be their child(rens) advocate, even when everyone else is making it more difficult.  

What's half a dozen??

Six....six is half a dozen.  Six is also double the size our family was just a few weeks ago. Six will also be our head count starting next Wednesday.  Big Brother and Little Brother's little sister will be coming to live with us as well.  She is 1, and the Brothers are soooo excited.  I think Tater is excited to add more girls to the house!!
As our number continues to grow, I think about what all has changed.  The best way to describe it is that our NORMAL has changed.  The very way we define things has changed.  How often does Webster update his dictionary?? I'm not sure.  But for me, there are a few definitions that have drastically changed.  Please see the list below:
Dinner - This used to be a time where the three of us sat around the table and talked about our day. Tater would study if need be and it was quiet and peaceful.  Dinner is now the three kiddos sitting and eating and Papa and I refilling, encouraging two little monkeys to stay in their seats, reviewing manners, and answering questions about what we would do next.  Papa and I eat later, or sometimes forget and just go to sleep instead.
Bedtime - We used to send Esther to bed at 7:00 to read for 20 minutes and then one of us would go in, read a Bible story, say prayers, give kisses, and then retreat to the living room with the other to watch TV.  Bedtime is now every man for himself!  Big Brother still struggles with nightmares and night terrors and needs quite a bit of chill time before he is ready to go to bed.  He and Papa lay on the couch and watch some calm cartoons.  Tater reads a book to Little Brother, we say prayers, and then Tater and I lay in his floor until he falls asleep. Once LB is asleep, Papa can bring BB in and sit with him until he falls asleep. Tater sometimes falls asleep in the floor, so she is then carried to bed in true princess style.  Sometimes I am still awake when Papa comes to bed, and sometimes I have already passed out.
A clean house......no scratch that.....let's just say a 'picked up' house - I have a basket or container for everything. Tater has lived with this system for seven years.  She understands that toys are grouped according to their kind and put away in this manner.  Well.....BB and LB understand the concept of cleaning up our toys...however, the Little People are chillin with the hot wheels who are mixed in with the dinosaurs who used to go in the basket in the living room but have now been relocated to the boys room.  My new policy is....off the floor so I don't twist my ankle.
Relaxing - My relaxing time used to be an episode of Bones enjoyed from my red recliner where I can see the birds eating out of the bird feeder in our front trees.  Relaxing is still in my red recliner, however I often have at least two children and one dog in my lap, Bones has been replaced with Handy Manny or Dragon Tales, and the birds think I've died.
It has taken two weeks to rework our definition of NORMAL. And guess what?? It will take two more weeks to make a new one once Little Sister comes. The coolest thing?? This Momma who does not like change, enjoys her order, and loves routine.....goes to sleep every night with a smile on her face.
There is no good reason I should be enjoying this insanity.  Not one.  It is hard, messy, loud, and sometimes down right horrible.  However, there are two little people who are learning to love again, learning to trust again, and learning what family can look like. More important, they are learning of the unconditional love that their Heavenly Father has for them.
The month of October holds many important dates: LS comes on the 1st, Bio mom and dad have their first court hearing on the 8th, and the first hearing for the kiddos is on the 23rd.  Please continue to pray for all involved. There are many people that are involved in making decisions for this kids, funny though.....I have never seen them at 9:00 when BB is showing no signs of sleep, or after dinner when LB is throwing himself on the ground in a full fledged tantrum. I pray that they seek God's wisdom and guidance.
Thank you all for your prayers and riding in this wacky wagon with us :)

And God laughs at my plans :)

Sooooooo THE CALL came Thursday night.  I saw the name of our family consultant(FC) come across the caller ID and my heart stopped. This was it! Papa had Tater at gymnastics, I was home alone and this was THE CALL.  I excitedly greeted our FC and listened as she gave the few details she had on our first placement.  We would be getting two children from a sibling group of six. The oldest was a five year old boy and the younger a two year old sister.  Papa and I had pictured was an older girl and younger boy, but this wasn't bad.  Bottom line, they needed love and we have it to give.  Because they were to arrive Thursday night, I jumped in the van and headed to Walmart for diapers.  I also began to make calls to let my school know I wouldn't be in to work the next day, and letting our friends know THE CALL had come.
Suddenly, as if you could audibly hear the screeching of brakes, our FC called again.  They were able to find a family member that would take all six siblings, so they didn't have to split them up.  (Which is good.) She also informed me that while one person was taking that call, another call came in for two brothers, ages five and four.  Would we be willing to take them??
Wow.....would we be willing to take them??  That was a very good question.  You see for almost 11 months we had been preparing for a baby and a toddler or two year old.  We had the crib, the car seats, the stroller where one could ride and one could sit, we had the high chair and booster in place.  We had toddler and 2ish toys placed throughout the house, and we were ready for that.  I had planned.  I had prepared.  I was ready.
Would we be willing to take them??  I am reminded of one of my favorite books, Forgotten God.  It is the book that provided the encouragement for me to leave public education (and the public education paycheck) in favor of ministry in Christian education.  In Forgotten God, Francis Chan writes of becoming so desperate for God that whatever follows could not have come from you, but from Him.  I'm a planner.  I know....I know....that comes as a shock to anyone who has read this blog. Change comes....and I plan.  I believe someone wiser than I once said 'as we plan, God laughs'.  Man do I believe that!
Would we be willing to take them?? YES!!! Not because we were ready, not because it was what we had 'wanted' or thought of, but because we are doing something we are called to do, and God called us to these boys.  So, yes, we took them.  I came out of Walmart, not with diapers, but with dinosaur sheets, boys underwear, and boy tooth brushes.  Papa called in the troops (i.e. friends from our church) that have boys and collected an amazing amount of little boy toys and clothes (and more underwear).  We put all of our plans in storage, and began preparing for what God has for us.
This morning began day two with Big Brother (BB) and Little Brother (LB).  They are crazy cute and snuggly.  They have learned manners somewhere along the road and gobbled up more dinosaur chicken nuggets last night than I have ever seen kids put away.  They slept soundly for 11 hours!!  This morning they are enjoying the park.  Last night BB prayed for dinner and thanked God for ketchup and a good day.
We won't know how long they will be with us until after the initial hearing sometime next week. But in the meantime, we are basking in the greatness of God's plan and joining Him in chuckling at the simplicity of ours.
I think I will always remember Friday, September 12, 2014 at 1:00 PM when God grew our family by four wild and wooly feet. :) (Just a side note....the bigger shoes actually belong to LB!)
 

That's Mrs. Giant to you.......

James Hudson Taylor is quoted as saying, "All God's giants have been weak men, who did great things for God because they reckoned on His being with them". How true is that???  Think about the 'greats' of the Bible listed in Hebrews 11.  They were by all accounts small and weak humans, however infused with faith....they became Super Heros!!!!
A few years ago, one of my students drew a picture of my flying through the sky with a cape and entitled it "Super Mrs. Allen".  I love that picture, and I have it hanging in my room even today.  Am I a super hero?? Not quite :) But with faith in God and His mightiness.....I CAN BE  super hero.
Saturday I attended a foster care training class as part of the 15 hours of 'continued ed' I need to have per year as a foster parent.  I sat in a room with smiling loving couples....several of them saying and rocking their foster baby who was cooing and adoring them.  This class was actually quite awesome and filled with a variety of 'tools' to keep in our 'belt' as we wait, except, and love our foster children.  It was such good information I prayed several times during it, "thank you Lord for not placing a child with us until I heard this."
One startling realization is that when a foster child begins to get comfortable and begins to trust, they also being to unpack their invisible suitcase and challenge their mental framework.  Even babies learn fast what a mommy and a daddy do.  In some cases, foster children have very negative thoughts or images of what a mommy and daddy does.  If, as a foster parent, you are doing things right....and your child begins to feel comfortable, they will begin to push you and try to make you conform to the image.  "Daddies hit,"  is their image of a daddy, so they will push and push and try to get you to fit that.  "Mommies leave," is their image of a mommy, so they will push and push and try to get you to fit that.  Our goal is to push back harder.  When they hit and bite, love them more.  When they yell and scream, hug them more.  When they cause all sorts of trouble, find places to praise them more.
Now, I'm an educator, and I teach small children.....so I can see where that is going to get old real fast.  Especially in my own home.  However, "All God's giants have been weak men, who did great things for God because they reckoned on His being with them".  I am simply a weak woman willing to be a giant for God, because I know He is with me.

Phillipians 1:8-10 -  8 God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus. 9 And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, 10 so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ.

James 2:12 - 12 Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom.

Thank you Lord for YOUR timing.  Thank you LORD for your strength.  Thank you LORD for having a plan. May our family be strong for YOU. Make us giants in YOUR eyes.

Well if the state of Georgia approves.........

As of Monday, the Allens are a state approved foster family. :)  In total, from beginning to end, this process has taken 10 months....so in my head, I am a month over due. :)  (I promise once we have added some Allens, this blog will stop being about me learning patience.....I will have other issues to ramble about, but for now patience is what it's all about.)
Since Monday I have lived with my cell phone.  While that may not be odd for some people, it is odd for me.  My phone ringer is rarely on, and usually when people call they have to leave a voice mail because I don't hear my phone, or it isn't even in the same room.  However, since Monday, my phone has not left my side and has not been turned off.  My heart jumps clear up into my brain every time one of the telemarketing numbers call.
So, other than blocking every 866 or 888 number, I have been meditating on the following scriptures:
Romans 8:18 "The pain that you've been feeling, can't compare to the joy that's coming."
Psalm 62:8 "Trust in Him at all times, pour your hearts out to Him, for God is our refuge."
Romans 12:12 " Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer."
I have excepted that we may have a few more days, weeks of waiting.  I have excepted that God is in control, and quite honestly, I'm glad.  I'm overjoyed.  I'm elated that my God cares enough to choose the perfect child(ren) for us, and that He cares enough about these kiddos to choose the right foster home.
Father I praise you for YOUR promises, and I praise you for YOUR timing.  I thank you for having my family and my future family members in YOUR mighty hands.  I ask that you build a hedge of protection around our precious children that are out there.  I pray you spare them from as much pain and hurt as possible.  I pray that you watch over their parents as they struggle and Lord I pray this struggle ultimately brings them to YOU.  Lord, please calm my heart and untie the knots in my stomach.  I know you are in control and I pray that my physiology catches up to what my heart knows. I ask that you be beside those that make decisions regarding our kiddos and bring them into our home and arms in YOUR time. 
It is through YOU this process is possible, and through YOU I will remain patient and strong.
Amen
 

(Please hum the Jeopardy theme song now....)

                                                            

I often wish my life had a soundtrack.  Big speakers to follow me around would be nice too.  Then with every moment of my life there could be a moving ballad or some intense chords.  Well....if my life DID have a soundtrack, right now you would hear the theme song from Jeopardy.  You know...da da da da...da da daaa....da da da da dA da da da da daaaaa.
Papa and I have completed everything on our end.  All paperwork is in...house is more than ready, toys are cleaned, clean sheets adorn the bed and crib, a safety rail has been put on the twin bed to accommodate a younger sleeper, and a high chair has even been put into it's spot at our table.  However, an emptiness hangs over it all.  No one plays with the toys, no one ruffles the covers on the bed, no one pulls the musical toy in the crib, and no one has dropped spaghetti out of the high chair and onto the floor yet. (Much to the dogs' disappointment.)  So...the theme for right now is just waiting...twiddling our thumbs and waiting.
As previously blogged....I am not so good at the waiting.  I try to fill it with business and attempts at being prepared.  Things I've tried to occupy myself with......scouting out all consignment stores in the area for best deals, wandering around Babies R Us for no good reason, I had my hair colored red (yes, I am now a red head), I am reading every blog on foster care I can get my hands on, and I even invested in a book suggested by our agency on helping foster/adoptive children connect to their new families.  
One thing Tater and I have been doing is trying to decorate and find art pieces that are both gender and age neutral.  Do you know how difficult it is to create a fun space that is both gender and age neutral??  Most of the things I find that are gender neutral also look to baby-ish.  Some things that are age neutral aren't very gender neutral.  Well, one night at one of my favorite treasure troves I found two canvas pieces similar to the one above.  They are full of phrases that are simply instructions for kids.  (One even says 'eat cookies'!) While for most kiddos these simple things are part of everyday life, it is what they expect out of childhood, the kiddos that will inhabit this room might need to be reminded what kiddos do.
I even have to remind Tater every once in a while when Papa and I are talking, or we are preparing for something that it may be something she doesn't have to worry about.  We, as her parents, will take care of it.  The constant, "What's for dinner?" has turned into so much more for me.  While Tater is asking because she wants to pre-evaluate how much she will like it, or if it is worth requesting something different, a foster child may be asking because making sure the kiddos in their house had something to eat was their job.  Which is something a four and under shouldn't have to be worried about.  It should not be their responsibility to make sure they and younger bro or sis are fed.  However, sadly, this is a true picture of neglect for some of the kiddos out there.
I feel that is where I am as a Christian.  Struggling at my Father's feet between curiosity and the desire for control.  As a Christian, there are things I struggle with and worry over, that my Father looks upon me and says "I've got this...you don't have to worry about it.  I, your FATHER, will take care of it."  Don't we do this with the desires of our hearts??  If the answer or desire isn't coming quick enough, we start to squirm and grapple for control.  Check out Psalm 37.  I can picture David smiling as if he is trying to convince you of something.  He is excited and is trying to tell us how easy it can be when we give it all to God.  I specifically like verses 4 and 7.  Forgive me for splicing them together.  There is much goodness in the middle, however the two together speak to my heart.
4 - Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.
7 - Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for Him
The Message says "Keep company with God" and "Quiet down before God".
So, while the theme to Jeopardy is running it's loop through my head, I am going to strive to keep company with my God.  I am going to spend time quieted before Him and focus on His plan and not my own.  Now, that doesn't mean I'm not going to continue to prepare because I know the flood of His blessing is coming and I want to be ready like Noah.  I want to live assured in my Faith and in my God and His great promises that I am preparing for His blessings.
Maybe like me, you need one of these simple reminders in your room of what a child of God should be doing.  I think if I had one it would read:
Spend time in MY creation
Breath in MY words to you
Talk to ME daily, more than once
Tell ME what you fear and what you desire
Enjoy MY people
Smile, for I am watching
and
Love...just love

How can I pray for 'that'?

This weekend, Papa and I completed our training.  It is a very exciting step to have behind us.  This means we are further than we were last November.  We are prayerfully only weeks away from our first placement.
Most of the training was a review for Papa and I.  Because of the jobs we have, we are area of issues with children from behavior to the extreme.  We are even aware of the abuse that some children face.  However, now we are not talking about just statistics and 'any kid', we are talking about OUR kid.  Our future baby that someone is mistreating, maybe as I type.
We saw a video at training that follows a foster child from removal, to placement in foster care.  It is a very eye opening video.  If you have not seen it, I encourage you to watch it now. (ReMoved video)  I was also scrolling through Facebook and someone had posted a link of a video of a man brutally punishing a little boy in front of two other children.  I don't understand this kind of monster.  I don't understand the monster in the ReMoved video.  They almost seem un-human...or in the least inhumane.
This is the 'that' I do not know how to pray for.  I believe this is going to be the ultimate struggle for me in this journey.  As Papa and I not only form a relationship with the new kiddo(s), we will also form a relationship with their family of origin, or biological family. I must decide now what kind of relationship that is going to be.  I believe it will set the stage for healing for the kiddo(s), and let's be honest....that is most important.
Is it going to be a relationship of judgement?  I can easily judge them for their past actions, their past mistakes.  However, I make mistakes everyday.  I can't see into the future, but I'm pretty sure I am going to make mistakes tomorrow, and the next day, and the next.  Would I do what these parents did, absolutely not.  I must remember, though, that when Jesus was hanging on the cross, I am sure my sin didn't weigh less on His shoulders then theirs did. They are hopelessly in need of a Savior, just like me.
Is it going to be a relationship of pity? Compassion and pity are VERY different emotions.  Pity implies that I am in someway better than they are.  I am somehow on a higher level than they are. Compassion has a hint of understanding.  Now, my understanding for them won't come because I've been in their shoes, but my understanding must come in love.  I understand that they are hurting, I understand the ONLY way to heal their hurt.  I understand that God loves and cares for them, just like me.
It must be a relationship of 'Carpe Aeternitatem'.  My principal sent this in a devotion once and I put it in my phone immediately.  I really like its meaning.  We have all heard 'Carpe Diem', or 'seize the day'.  Carpe Aeternitatem means 'to seize ETERNITY'. The relationships and focus of our foster care ministry cannot be on the here and now, or it won't be possible.  Our focus has to be on eternity and on Christ's commission to us. God tells us in Acts chapter 26 to start with those that are the closest to us.  How sad it was when the angels arrived in Sodom and Gomorrah to find that Lot hadn't even reached his own family with the good news, let alone his neighbors and his city.
So.....Carpe Aeternitatem! Seize eternity today for those you come in contact with.  Pray for your family and the families that you and your children come into contact with everyday, that your witness and your light may shine brighter than ever!!  

While I'm waiting........

Patience is not a virtue that I have been blessed with. I believe there are many types of patience.  I have patience with E (daughter), patience with kiddos in my class at school and at church, I have patience for Papa Allen, however WAITING PATIENCE is not something I have.
When I was pregnant with E, I dealt with the waiting in lots of different ways.  I read books about babies and raising children, I rearranged the nursery at least a dozen times, I reorganized her closet and clothes at least once a week, and I just tried to stay busy.
Well, as we wait for #2 and/or #3 I find myself in that same bind. I've read blogs about what to do while you wait for the call. PRAY is the biggest advice to fill the time.  Pray for you and your spouse.  Pray for the child(ren) that will be placed in your home. Pray for their families and parents.  Pray for the social workers and people that will be part of the 'team' you will work with.  I think this is really good advice because a strong prayer life is what is going to help get you through.  I feel it is also a way to form a bond with the biological parents before you even meet.  God can start working in their hearts even before your paths cross.
E and I recently visited family in IN and went to the Children's Museum up there.  (Which is FABULOUS by the way.)  They have a HUGE new exhibit on the Terracotta Army of Qin Shi Huang, the first Emperor of China.  This Terracotta Army was built to guard the tomb of Qin Shi Huang so that he was protected in the afterlife.  There were over 8,000 soldiers all of which had different faces carved into the terracotta clay.  Qin Shi Huang not only prepared his defense for the afterlife, but he also prepared to be entertained with an under ground stream and garden that held all different types of birds, also carved from the terracotta clay.  As we explored this exhibit, I was amazed at the extent of preparation Qin Shi Huang went to.  He began constructing his army when he was 13 years old.  Imagine preparing to die from the age of 13.
God tells us in a very familiar scripture in Philippians;  "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
I imagine that the parents we are going to come in contact with are hurting.  I imagine they are going to be struggling with all sorts of 'demons', be they of this world or not.  Their hearts need guarding.  OUR hearts need guarding.  Just like Qin Shi Huang's terracotta clay, I believe prayer is what is going to hold us together through this next adventure.
So, I have taken the advice of the experienced foster bloggers out there, and I have began to pray.  Much more than I was previously doing and specifically for this situation.  I am even considering a prayer journal where I can record my petitions and see how God answers them through the next few months and beyond.  It's crazy to think that the kiddo(s) that we may be a safe haven for, may be out there right now.  I pray that God is putting people in their lives and in the lives of their family that guide them not only to us, but to Him.

When God rules your life......change is good!!

Change is good.  Not a statement I thought I would ever make.  I don't like change.  I like my little part of the world to stay the same.  Had we not moved to GA, I would have been content to teach the same thing in the same little room in Knoxville for the rest of my life.  However, change happens.  When God sees a hole for you to fill, you must change. You must roll with the punches and change right along side God's plan for you.  Sometimes we....well I....think that once God's called you to something.....that's what you do.  However, He calls you to somethings for a season, and then changes your calling to fill the need in His Creation.
Last November, we had one of those changes.  Jason loosing his job shut the door on so many things.  Our journey into foster care was one of them.  Jason and I had prayed that if this wasn't what we were supposed to be doing, that God would slam the door hard......and He did.  While so much hurt and anger surrounded this change...I look back just eight months later and see God's design, and MAN is it magnificent.
As I have posted before, we have began the process again to become foster parents.  We had picked up right where we left off with our agency.  However, through a VBX teaching meeting for church (aka VBS) God brought a wonderful new friend and person into my life that also happens to have experience and a heart for foster care.  A two minute conversation that included the typical "get to know you" info also included a comment made by her...'I would love to get a foster care ministry going at our church.' Really?? (Insert heart flutter, goose bumps, and all the other physical signs of the Holy Spirit moving)
Now, rewind a few years.  A dear couple from our previous church had fostered and adopted through an organization that partners with churches.  I would not have known about this agency had we not been at our previous church.....I would not have been at this VBX meeting had Jason not lost his job at said previous church.
So, T (the wonderful new friend) and I began meeting and praying.  Jason and I began praying.  Jason and I decided to switch agencies, so we could be 'the pilot family' for our church. T and I presented a partnership ministry to our church, that they loved.
Change stinks.  However, God uses/causes change so that His Kingdom can grow.  Our church has a goal to bring 300 far from Christ people into the love and a relationship with our Lord and Savior this year.  Who is more hurting than parents that are in danger of loosing their children.  Faithbridge Fostercare partners with churches so that when/if reunification is possible, biological families have a place to reach out for support and love as they rebuild their lives.  Our church already has AMAZING community resources available such as a food pantry, career clothes closest, mental health counseling, job training, preschool, and computer skills training.  We hope and pray that this fostercare partnership will be an extension of that.
As far as our personal journey.....we get fingerprinted on Wednesday which is the last piece of our paperwork.  Lord willing our home study will be sometimes between June 16th and June 26th.  We have our training weekend on June 27th-June 29th......and then we are ready to roll!!  We have our spare bedroom set up with a twin bed and we are working on a crib.  Bring 'em on!!!! :)
If you are curious or interested in foster care please check out the following agencies...I also put our churches website in case you are looking.  Our church is beyond AWESOME!!
www.gcacofgeorgia.com
www.faithbridgefostercare.org
www.cumberlandchurch.org

Get ready to shine!

Happy Monday everyone!! One amazing thing that has happened out of all the chaos and loss was that Papa, Tater, and I found a new church.  While our other GA church has amazing people inside, I don't think we realized how much of going through the motions our family was doing.  It was part of Papa's job.  Sundays became very repetitive and mundane.  However, now that Papa isn't working for a church we were free to find where we felt the Holy Spirit leading us.
Through a friend, we stumbled upon where we are now.  And from day one we have felt the presence of the Lord in the worship, the people, and the sermons.  Sometimes they feel like they were planned or directed just for me.
Our current series is over the first 11 chapters in Genesis.  I was all settled in for a run down of creation.  I feel pretty confident in my knowledge of creation.  Heck I teach it every year.  I have a song, several finger plays, and lots of books on the seven days of creation.  Needless to say, I was ready to let my mind wonder and check out during the sermon.
However, with new life and fervor, our preacher has been bringing connections I have never heard of before. (And remember, Papa and I went to Bible College.)  Learning to focus on the 'who' not the 'how' and learning the story of hope that is these songs from Moses.
Sundays sermon focused on the creation of the sun, moon, and stars.  Many other places in scripture, we are told that WE should shine like stars.  (Check out Psalm 8:3-4 in the Message - I LOVE the language used there!!)
One thing that amazes me about our church is how outwardly focused they are.  Our challenge from Sunday was how can we shine like stars, holding up and supporting God's Word for all to see? I have been on fire lately for the foster care situation for us personally and our call to minister in that way.  And I was challenged Sunday to see if anyone else in our church feels that call.  Maybe our timing was changed for the greatest impact in the name of our Heavenly Father.
Just some food for thought......

On the trail again

Momma Allen here, and after a time of being quiet, we are ready to get back in the trenches.  Our fam of three has spent some time moving, reflecting, and rejoicing in what God has planned for us.  That is the hardest to do in the dark, but when you are in the dark, you MUST follow the Light.  God has led us down a path I don't know that we would have walked on our own.  We relocated the clan, downsized in the 'stuff' category, and have found a new church family to worship with.  In a lot of ways, it feels like years since we were on our way to adding Allens, when in reality it was only 6 months ago.
In that 6 months the Allens have decided we DEFINITELY hear the call of the Lord to grow our clan.  Since the door to fostering was slammed shut with the events of November, we even wondered for a season if that was what we were supposed to be doing.  However, God constantly reminded us of His calling through sermons, friends, and the ever popular Facebook post. My favorite one was posted by our church: "Are you willing to have your life interrupted?  Are you flexible enough to allow a miracle to break into your perfectly scheduled life in the form of an interruption? Don't miss out on the chance to see God move.  You may even be blessed to be part of someone else's miracle."
That last part is what I think sticks with me the most.  As foster parents, our main prayer will be for the families of the child we are loving and pouring our hearts into.  And the ultimate answer to that prayer will be the most devastating for us.  So, we are preparing to be 'someone else's miracle'. That's definitely different.  Maybe, just maybe, before I was going into it expecting OUR miracle.  A little bundle of joy that would be ours.  But really, we will be welcoming and loving someone else's child with the prayer for their healing which will ultimately take that child away.
Dear friends of ours have been fostering twin boys for 7 months, and recently the boys have returned to their biological father. I was talking to the momma and a case worker last weekend and I was expressing how hard that has to be when you are in it with the hope to adopt one day.  The case worker said something amazing.  She said "you may be an angel for four or five kids before you find yours."  What a powerful ministry to these families we have the opportunity to be.
So.....with that long monologue out of the way :)  We have started back where we left off.  Papa Allen has a new job starting in July, and the Lord has provided some amazing work opportunities for him in the mean time that are keeping us a float.  I have been one happy Momma because I have gotten to re-do some of our paperwork to include our new address and Papa's new work info.  (You can read previous post to fully understand my love for the paperwork.) Once school is over (two more weeks!!!) we will have another home study in our new house, and our IMPACT training in June.  Lord willing we will have our first placement before the summer break is over and be able to settle into a new routine before school starts back up.  If not.....bring it on! Bring on the chaos and unplanned scheduled events! I'm ready!! :)

"Faith in God includes Faith in His Timing." - Neal A. Maxwell