In three days this crew loads up and heads off to the beach. Having the need to organize everything...I started packing us up early this week. Papa has loaded the big box on top of the family wagon, and we are gearing up to hit the road.
Tater, Papa, and I have GREAT memories of going to the beach. We've been going to the same beach for years. In fact, Papa and I both went to this beach as kids before we even knew each other. So, we have been happily talking, packing, and preparing to go to the beach.
Then we started noticing some things. LS was even more clingy than normal. She would absolutely scream if I left the room. BB actually broke out in a rash that his therapist said was a stress rash. BB would also end each night by telling us 'don't leave me, please don't leave me'. And well, LB's fits became more intense, frequent, and harder to predict. What was going on? I mean we were excited. Vacations are exciting. We were going to the beach! Oh wait..........
Rewind to a year ago. Our kiddos were on another trip to the beach. Although with different parents, and the result was not so fun and exciting. Much more sad and scary. Last time they were going to the beach they were left and then taken from the life they knew. Our memories and their memories of going to the beach are very different.
This called for a family meeting. We explained and talked about the trip down there, looked at pictures of where we were staying, counted to make sure everyone has a bed, and looked through the bags and suitcases Momma had packed making sure everyone has clothes and underwear. Then we made a paper chain to count down the days until we leave. And every night, we go through with LS who all is going to the beach.....'Papa beach, Momma beach, Tater beach, BB beach, LB beach, LS beach?' Yes....Papa beach, Momma beach, Tater beach, BB beach, LB beach, LS beach.
This has made me very aware that we all come with our own baggage. Some of our bags are full of happy memories, legacies, and fun times with family and friends. However, some bags are full of sadness, hurt, and abandonment packed for us by the very people who should have protected us from all of that. Papa and I are trying to repack the bags of our kiddos. This is not an easy task, but as we remove each hurt we try to replace it with a new reassurance that they are loved. We love them, and even more importantly, God loves them. And hopefully next week, we will repack that beach bag with some smiles, laughs, and great time spent with family.
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
Saturday, June 6, 2015
Count your blessings...name them one by one...
With summer break in full swing, I had this list of things I wanted to accomplish. I was going to work on school stuff with BB, work on calming and self regulation techniques with LB, read and work on multiplication with Tater, and just love the dickens out of LS.
Then Thursday happened.......
Thursday was a horrible day. And when I say horrible....I mean far beyond bad and deep, deep into horrible. I guess I tend to blog, share, and post about the positive things about fostering....and well my family in general, but Thursday took the cake and the positive momentarily away.
Thursday all patience went out the window, all smiles were scowls, and all the giggles turned to cries, screams and attitude. There was nothing glorious or wonderful about their behavior or mine on Thursday. On Thursday, I doubted my effectiveness as a foster mom....and well, mom in general.
However, when the dust settled....and Papa came home to help, hugs were given, prayers we lifted up, and apologies were made, we moved forward. Keep moving forward.
So, in the shadow of Thursday, I am soaking in some more recent blessings and rays of hope. You see, LS excepts her life with us with open arms. She doesn't know anything different, and the void she did have, we filled and all is good. However, BB and LB have gone from a life of doing whatever they wanted, to structure and guidelines to how life is done. To a four, and now six year old little boy, that can seem unfair. I often wonder if they would want to be adopted by us if it came to that.
But sometimes, I get a glimpse of twinkle, a moment of clarity in their little minds that says 'yes...they love me, yes....they want what's best for me, and yes....I could love them back.'
BB- Friday, after an amazing family fun day, I was running BB's bath. When I asked him to do the 'toe test', I realized the water was too hot. I told him to wait just a second while I ran some colder water and mixed it with my own hand. BB asked me if the water was too hot to my hand. I told him it was hot, but this is what mommies do. He smiled at me and said 'you are the best mommy I've ever had.' Count your blessings, name them one by one.....
LB- Friday night, when I was sitting with LB while he went to sleep, he reached out and grabbed my hand. Then with his freckled nose and blue eyes, he said 'thank you for being my mommy'. Count your blessings, see what God has done....
LS- Today, Saturday, LS and I went to run some errands together. While in the van, she kept saying 'mommy' and I say 'yes??' To which she would reply 'mommy' and I would once again say 'yes??' This little game continued for a few minutes as I caught glimpses of her little grin in the rear view mirror. We play this game often. She likes to make sure that I'm still her 'mommy' and that I am still near. Count your blessings, name them one by one....
Tater- Tater girl recently came into possession of a prayer journal in a sibling trade with BB for a snowman notepad. The other day, she wanted to know if I wanted to know what was in her journal. Of course I did. She read to me her list of request, her petitions she was bringing before her Heavenly Father. Then she read to me her lists of things she was thankful for. While there were things covered like her favorite toys, a house, food, and her family in general.....the one that stuck out was this: 'Thank you God for leading my mom and dad and me into foster care. Thank you for letting me see you change my brothers and sister and changing me.'
Count your blessings, see what GOD HAS DONE.
Then Thursday happened.......
Thursday was a horrible day. And when I say horrible....I mean far beyond bad and deep, deep into horrible. I guess I tend to blog, share, and post about the positive things about fostering....and well my family in general, but Thursday took the cake and the positive momentarily away.
Thursday all patience went out the window, all smiles were scowls, and all the giggles turned to cries, screams and attitude. There was nothing glorious or wonderful about their behavior or mine on Thursday. On Thursday, I doubted my effectiveness as a foster mom....and well, mom in general.
However, when the dust settled....and Papa came home to help, hugs were given, prayers we lifted up, and apologies were made, we moved forward. Keep moving forward.
So, in the shadow of Thursday, I am soaking in some more recent blessings and rays of hope. You see, LS excepts her life with us with open arms. She doesn't know anything different, and the void she did have, we filled and all is good. However, BB and LB have gone from a life of doing whatever they wanted, to structure and guidelines to how life is done. To a four, and now six year old little boy, that can seem unfair. I often wonder if they would want to be adopted by us if it came to that.
But sometimes, I get a glimpse of twinkle, a moment of clarity in their little minds that says 'yes...they love me, yes....they want what's best for me, and yes....I could love them back.'
BB- Friday, after an amazing family fun day, I was running BB's bath. When I asked him to do the 'toe test', I realized the water was too hot. I told him to wait just a second while I ran some colder water and mixed it with my own hand. BB asked me if the water was too hot to my hand. I told him it was hot, but this is what mommies do. He smiled at me and said 'you are the best mommy I've ever had.' Count your blessings, name them one by one.....
LB- Friday night, when I was sitting with LB while he went to sleep, he reached out and grabbed my hand. Then with his freckled nose and blue eyes, he said 'thank you for being my mommy'. Count your blessings, see what God has done....
LS- Today, Saturday, LS and I went to run some errands together. While in the van, she kept saying 'mommy' and I say 'yes??' To which she would reply 'mommy' and I would once again say 'yes??' This little game continued for a few minutes as I caught glimpses of her little grin in the rear view mirror. We play this game often. She likes to make sure that I'm still her 'mommy' and that I am still near. Count your blessings, name them one by one....
Tater- Tater girl recently came into possession of a prayer journal in a sibling trade with BB for a snowman notepad. The other day, she wanted to know if I wanted to know what was in her journal. Of course I did. She read to me her list of request, her petitions she was bringing before her Heavenly Father. Then she read to me her lists of things she was thankful for. While there were things covered like her favorite toys, a house, food, and her family in general.....the one that stuck out was this: 'Thank you God for leading my mom and dad and me into foster care. Thank you for letting me see you change my brothers and sister and changing me.'
Count your blessings, see what GOD HAS DONE.
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Mother's Day
Time fies. I've never really agreed with that. I guess because patience IS NOT my strong suit, I am always looking for what is next and pushing through the moment. Well now, time is flying and I am trying my best to grab hold as my life is quickly spiraling past me. Partially spiraling in a nice and orderly slinky with a beginning and an end, and partially spiraling out of control in a mammoth twister.
Mother's Day was another example of how quickly everything is moving. I stood in church and can remember every single feeling and tear that I had a year ago. A year ago my heart hurt for the kids that God would place with us. Because of the ages we chose, our kids were out there....and as their future 'momma', I ached for the pain they were experiencing. I stood, worshipped, and wept. I felt empty and like I was not taking care of my babies that I didn't even know.
This year, my heart was full. All my babies were happy, healthy, and safe. I soaked up every smile and hug from that day. I was so happy, I was so complete, I lived in the moment. And then the moment came when I realized....my completence came at the expense of another mother, the biological mother of three of my kids. My prayers of thanksgiving are her prayers of distress and longing.
I hurt for her. I pray for her. I wish she would give us a tiny inkling that she was willing to fight for her kids. However, today marks two months of missed visits. I would love to help her heal like I am trying to help her children. However, I need something from her.....I need her to take a step in the right direction. I am afraid I need to much from her. And if I need to much.....her children need even more. I have written her a letter in my head numerous times. At least when she was in prison, I had a way to get her these letters. Now, they just fill my head with exciting moments and milestones her children achieve.
In the attempt to make more room in my head, I am putting my latest thoughts to screen and typing them here.
Dear Bio Mom;
Hey :) I'm never quite sure how to start these letters. Mere formalities do not seem enough, but more intimate greetings seem to much. I want to first say 'thank you'. Thank you for choosing life when you could have chose to end your pregnancies. Thank you for caring and delivering these three precious angels I care for now. Thank you for providing them the best that you could for their first years of life.
Your children are thriving. BB loves school, church, and inventing new things with what he find around the house. He is very creative and is an amazing artist. He has come so far in handling all of the grownup feelings that have been put in his little head. He is working hard at healing and getting used to a new life.
LB has such a great sense of humor. He loves to laugh and be silly. He remembers everything you say, and loves to remind you when you forget. He has the cutest little smile that makes his eyes disappear and these little dimples appear. His hair is getting redder, and he struggles most with making sense of his world and the things around him.
LS is a mess :) She is talking up a storm and is working hard at potty training. She loves all things Minnie Mouse, hair bows, and fresh fruit. She eats anything and everything with no questions asked. I worry about her the most. I worry about her forgetting you all together. She is so young, and all these missed visits and missed opportunities to work on bonding with you aren't good. She won't know who you are and recognize that you love her.
Please know that I tell you this, not to rub it in your face that they are with me and not with you. but I hope and pray that maybe something that you read or I say will give you the strength and encouragement to try. To try and make it. To try and say no to the temptations that separate you and your children.
I will continue to love them, I will continue to care for them, and we will continue to pray for you. They love you. They don't now why, but they do.
May God be with you and protect you.
Mother's Day was another example of how quickly everything is moving. I stood in church and can remember every single feeling and tear that I had a year ago. A year ago my heart hurt for the kids that God would place with us. Because of the ages we chose, our kids were out there....and as their future 'momma', I ached for the pain they were experiencing. I stood, worshipped, and wept. I felt empty and like I was not taking care of my babies that I didn't even know.
This year, my heart was full. All my babies were happy, healthy, and safe. I soaked up every smile and hug from that day. I was so happy, I was so complete, I lived in the moment. And then the moment came when I realized....my completence came at the expense of another mother, the biological mother of three of my kids. My prayers of thanksgiving are her prayers of distress and longing.
I hurt for her. I pray for her. I wish she would give us a tiny inkling that she was willing to fight for her kids. However, today marks two months of missed visits. I would love to help her heal like I am trying to help her children. However, I need something from her.....I need her to take a step in the right direction. I am afraid I need to much from her. And if I need to much.....her children need even more. I have written her a letter in my head numerous times. At least when she was in prison, I had a way to get her these letters. Now, they just fill my head with exciting moments and milestones her children achieve.
In the attempt to make more room in my head, I am putting my latest thoughts to screen and typing them here.
Dear Bio Mom;
Hey :) I'm never quite sure how to start these letters. Mere formalities do not seem enough, but more intimate greetings seem to much. I want to first say 'thank you'. Thank you for choosing life when you could have chose to end your pregnancies. Thank you for caring and delivering these three precious angels I care for now. Thank you for providing them the best that you could for their first years of life.
Your children are thriving. BB loves school, church, and inventing new things with what he find around the house. He is very creative and is an amazing artist. He has come so far in handling all of the grownup feelings that have been put in his little head. He is working hard at healing and getting used to a new life.
LB has such a great sense of humor. He loves to laugh and be silly. He remembers everything you say, and loves to remind you when you forget. He has the cutest little smile that makes his eyes disappear and these little dimples appear. His hair is getting redder, and he struggles most with making sense of his world and the things around him.
LS is a mess :) She is talking up a storm and is working hard at potty training. She loves all things Minnie Mouse, hair bows, and fresh fruit. She eats anything and everything with no questions asked. I worry about her the most. I worry about her forgetting you all together. She is so young, and all these missed visits and missed opportunities to work on bonding with you aren't good. She won't know who you are and recognize that you love her.
Please know that I tell you this, not to rub it in your face that they are with me and not with you. but I hope and pray that maybe something that you read or I say will give you the strength and encouragement to try. To try and make it. To try and say no to the temptations that separate you and your children.
I will continue to love them, I will continue to care for them, and we will continue to pray for you. They love you. They don't now why, but they do.
May God be with you and protect you.
Monday, March 30, 2015
The most important job....
As if my previous ramblings have not clued you in, I am going to go ahead and tell you that I am one of THOSE people. One of those people that run a million miles a minute. One of those people that are always busy. I make to do list about making a to do list. If I complete something that was not on my to do list, I will add it just so I can check it off. I love to run errands. I love to travel. I love to be gone and to go and to do.
Papa is a home body. He likes to be home and could stay in the same fleece pants and hoodie for days and not go crazy.
When we married, we definitely did more of the going and traveling then being home bodies. We took weekend trips whenever we could and had regular nights out. When Tater came along, we just put her in our pockets and took her everywhere with us. We planned weekend trips around area zoos and educational attractions.
People often ask me, "what was it like going from one to four?" Honestly the extra clothes, laundry, toys, food, etc we kinda planned for. We saw that as part of the cute little packages. However, being 'grounded' and stuck at home was something I did not foresee nor did I foresee it bothering me so.
You would think this would not be a big deal. It would seem that the way Papa and I are wired, we would be the perfect match. He would stay home with the kids and I would be free to run all the errands I need. Well, our three little additions have other plans.
It amazes me how much they need MY attention. I don't see myself as being overly nurturing as empathy is not generally one of my spiritual gifts. However, they are so void of 'the mommy factor', that even I will do.
That proves to me how grand our job as mothers is. And at this we do not need to pit working mother against stay at home mother. For no matter what your situation, choice, or calling is....YOU ARE THE MOMMA!
I wish I could teach a sex ed course to young women. It would be a lot less about the biology of the matter and their sexuality and a lot more about the emotional and nurturing responsibilities that they will have to a child. I think I would start like this 'they aren't going to be like a puppy you know, you can't just feed them, bathe them, and clean up their poop.' You have to put down your phone and look at them. You have to talk to them and teach them about things and how to be the person God has for them to be.
So I wrap this post up being completely humbled by the fact that my job as mommy is so important, and amazed that God has given me four gifts and four chances to share His message of love and redemption to the world through my children.
Funny kiddo moment of the week:
On Saturday, I attended a baby shower for a friend from church. Upon leaving the house BB and LB were very interested in who the presents were for. I explained that I was going to a baby shower and the gifts were for the new baby. Both boys seemed to except that answer. However, later when I returned, they seemed confused as to where the presents went. I told them I gave them to Ms. T for her baby. BB asked if I got to see the baby and watch them give the baby a shower. I explained that the baby was still in Ms. T`s tummy so I did not see the baby and a baby shower is a party for a momma that is going to have a baby. At this point, LB's eyes were open wide. "Mommy! If the baby is still in Ms. T's belly, how did you get the presents in there too?" I love his innocence and I loved hearing Tater patiently explain to him how baby showers and the whole system works. :)
Papa is a home body. He likes to be home and could stay in the same fleece pants and hoodie for days and not go crazy.
When we married, we definitely did more of the going and traveling then being home bodies. We took weekend trips whenever we could and had regular nights out. When Tater came along, we just put her in our pockets and took her everywhere with us. We planned weekend trips around area zoos and educational attractions.
People often ask me, "what was it like going from one to four?" Honestly the extra clothes, laundry, toys, food, etc we kinda planned for. We saw that as part of the cute little packages. However, being 'grounded' and stuck at home was something I did not foresee nor did I foresee it bothering me so.
You would think this would not be a big deal. It would seem that the way Papa and I are wired, we would be the perfect match. He would stay home with the kids and I would be free to run all the errands I need. Well, our three little additions have other plans.
It amazes me how much they need MY attention. I don't see myself as being overly nurturing as empathy is not generally one of my spiritual gifts. However, they are so void of 'the mommy factor', that even I will do.
That proves to me how grand our job as mothers is. And at this we do not need to pit working mother against stay at home mother. For no matter what your situation, choice, or calling is....YOU ARE THE MOMMA!
I wish I could teach a sex ed course to young women. It would be a lot less about the biology of the matter and their sexuality and a lot more about the emotional and nurturing responsibilities that they will have to a child. I think I would start like this 'they aren't going to be like a puppy you know, you can't just feed them, bathe them, and clean up their poop.' You have to put down your phone and look at them. You have to talk to them and teach them about things and how to be the person God has for them to be.
So I wrap this post up being completely humbled by the fact that my job as mommy is so important, and amazed that God has given me four gifts and four chances to share His message of love and redemption to the world through my children.
Funny kiddo moment of the week:
On Saturday, I attended a baby shower for a friend from church. Upon leaving the house BB and LB were very interested in who the presents were for. I explained that I was going to a baby shower and the gifts were for the new baby. Both boys seemed to except that answer. However, later when I returned, they seemed confused as to where the presents went. I told them I gave them to Ms. T for her baby. BB asked if I got to see the baby and watch them give the baby a shower. I explained that the baby was still in Ms. T`s tummy so I did not see the baby and a baby shower is a party for a momma that is going to have a baby. At this point, LB's eyes were open wide. "Mommy! If the baby is still in Ms. T's belly, how did you get the presents in there too?" I love his innocence and I loved hearing Tater patiently explain to him how baby showers and the whole system works. :)
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
Mama Bear meets the Ragamuffin Gospel
Happy and chilly February evening to you all :) I have to admit that I hate that life and the very things I like to blog about take me away from blogging. However, if life didn't happen, then what would I blog about??
Well, tonight's thoughts were provoked by our sermon series and specifically the sermon from Sunday. While traveling through Galations, we have been diving into how simple and passionate the Gospel is. "Jesus + nothing = everything and Jesus + anything = nothing" has been the coined phrase.
Sunday we looked at those that were in bondage based on their sin, and then became enslaved by the idea that they needed to add something to the Gospel in order to follow Christ. We celebrated the freedom we have in Christ and that through that freedom we live our lives to the fullest.
It got me thinking about the kids biological parents. Bio dad is living back in the state from which they came, and bio mom is set to get out of prison in early March. While that date looms ever nearer, my heart and my head become very confused. We are approaching the time when we will be faced with consistent visitation with bio mom (and dad if he comes back here). Part of me is so overwhelmed with the idea of having the kids forever, and part of me is so scared that I won't have them forever.
I had the vision Sunday during worship of bio mom worshiping along side of us. So far I have focused on the kids. However, now my attention is turned to their mother....who let's face it, I am not. Growing God's kingdom is much bigger than us 'adding allens', so reaching mom and changing her life should come to the forefront of my 'to do list'.
How does one do that? How does one show the living Gospel to someone who hurt little people you have come to love? And let's throw in that her changing will then take those little people away from me. The Mama Bear in me wants to somehow put something scandalous in her purse so she gets in trouble so I keep my...I mean her....babies. The Mama Bear in me wants to tell her that she screwed up the most important job she will ever have in a major way and doesn't deserve a second chance.
One problem....this Mama Bear is merely a ragamuffin who has great freedom in Christ. I long and desire for others to know the freedom I have and to likewise be free from what enslaves them. I have no experience with the type of chains that bio mom and dad are tangled up in. That part of the world is very foreign to me. But chains are chains and no matter what they are, their purpose is the same...to confine us and keep us from experiencing freedom.
So blogger world know that I am struggling with this. I want nothing more than to pack these babies up and be in Mexico before March. However, our purpose in this is far beyond what we are capable of. Please join us in praying for bio mom and for March. Pray for the kids and how they will take seeing her after eight months. Pray for Papa and I as we prepare for the possibilities and that these possibilities may be stretched out over time and require more devotion to the greater purpose than we feel we can muster.
As always, may God be glorified in what we do. This week, when you get a chance....read through Galations. It is the story of freedom in Christ both from sin that enslaves us and the additives we like to throw on top of our faith.
Sunday, December 28, 2014
Blessed by the elderly and bikers...all in the same day.
Merry Christmas!! And as we approach the New Year, I pray that God is showing up in obvious ways in your daily life.
This Christmas season was a bit more crazy than we are used to. Add three young children anxiously awaiting Christmas, and you are guaranteed more crazy :) All in all, thanks to so many of God's angels here on Earth, we were able to provide an AMAZING Christmas for our kids. Several times it was deemed 'the best Christmas EVER!'
Papa and I were continually amazed at how many people love and care about our kiddos. The day after Christmas, we received a call for our CASA (court appointed special advocate). He said he wanted to drop by because he had some things for our kids. He shows up with four BEAUTIFUL hand made quilts. These quilts were made by his mother and sister as part of Project Linus. (www.projectlinus.org) He has to be near 70, so I'm guessing his mother is somewhere in her 90's, and she and the ladies at her nursing home make quilts that Project Linus distributes to children in hospitals, foster care, and any child in need of the comfort a blankie can bring. I was truly touched that these women do this, and that our children received one.
Later that afternoon, Papa went to the mailbox to get the mail. Of course in the stack were several Christmas cards, ads for the newest sales, and an envelope with no return address. Assuming it was another Christmas card, we ripped into it. However, what was inside took us by surprise. It was a Christmas card, but inside was a very generous gift with a business card that said 'Sons of Santa'. Written on the card were these words 'Take care of those kids.' I immediately tried to google these Sons of Santa to get more information, however I didn't have much luck. After reaching out to Facebook, my cousin informed me that the Sons of Santa were part of the biker organization BACA or bikers against child abuse. (www.bacaworld.org)
How these people came to learn about us or our kiddos is beyond me. But it really got me thinking about how different these two groups were....a 90 year old woman in a nursing home quilting, and a biker gang that speaks out against child abuse. Both of them took it upon themselves to bless us and our kids this Christmas. I am truly humbled and amazed at God's provision and blessings.
I also spent a lot of time thinking about Mary. Mary Did You Know has always been one of my favorite Christmas carols. Now, some of you might think this is a stretch....but bear with me. In my head it is profound and makes perfect sense ;)
I figure Mary and I have a lot in common. Both of us spent time raising a child(ren) that were not ours from the start. Mary held and rocked Jesus knowing that she would one day have to give Him up. I hold and comfort kids that most likely will leave me someday for their 'real parents'. I am sure Mary soaked up all the snuggles and time with young Jesus because she knew that one day His mission and purpose would take Him away from her. I soak up every hug and snuggle and 'I love you' because I know that someday they may go back to a life that does not encourage such tenderness.
But in all my comparing, I came up with one major difference. I love, comfort, and nurture these kids because it is what they are lacking (have lacked) and what THEY NEED. I wonder how many times Mary held baby Jesus and realized how much SHE NEEDED Him. How much the whole world had lacked what He had the power to give. I wonder how many times she tucked Him in at night and pour out her worries and concerns for the future as He snored peacefully near by.
As a mother, it is a lot to take in...it is a lot to think about. I'm not sure that I could have done what Mary did. However, when push comes to shove...she was willing to be used. She was willing to say 'the heck with what others say....I will follow His will for my life, and not my own'. She was not afraid to be uncomfortable in a selfish world that preaches comfort at all cost.
Francis Chan is one of my favorite inspirational authors. God used his book, The Forgotten God, to encourage me to take a pretty big leap of faith a few years ago. And his words and quotes ring in my head quite often....
As you stare 2015 in the face, are you willing to be uncomfortable? Are you willing to take a step that DEPENDS on God coming through on His promises? Everyone's comfort level is different and thus what makes us uncomfortable will look different. Whatever it is for you, I pray you have the strength and faith to be uncomfortable this new year.
This Christmas season was a bit more crazy than we are used to. Add three young children anxiously awaiting Christmas, and you are guaranteed more crazy :) All in all, thanks to so many of God's angels here on Earth, we were able to provide an AMAZING Christmas for our kids. Several times it was deemed 'the best Christmas EVER!'
Papa and I were continually amazed at how many people love and care about our kiddos. The day after Christmas, we received a call for our CASA (court appointed special advocate). He said he wanted to drop by because he had some things for our kids. He shows up with four BEAUTIFUL hand made quilts. These quilts were made by his mother and sister as part of Project Linus. (www.projectlinus.org) He has to be near 70, so I'm guessing his mother is somewhere in her 90's, and she and the ladies at her nursing home make quilts that Project Linus distributes to children in hospitals, foster care, and any child in need of the comfort a blankie can bring. I was truly touched that these women do this, and that our children received one.
Later that afternoon, Papa went to the mailbox to get the mail. Of course in the stack were several Christmas cards, ads for the newest sales, and an envelope with no return address. Assuming it was another Christmas card, we ripped into it. However, what was inside took us by surprise. It was a Christmas card, but inside was a very generous gift with a business card that said 'Sons of Santa'. Written on the card were these words 'Take care of those kids.' I immediately tried to google these Sons of Santa to get more information, however I didn't have much luck. After reaching out to Facebook, my cousin informed me that the Sons of Santa were part of the biker organization BACA or bikers against child abuse. (www.bacaworld.org)
How these people came to learn about us or our kiddos is beyond me. But it really got me thinking about how different these two groups were....a 90 year old woman in a nursing home quilting, and a biker gang that speaks out against child abuse. Both of them took it upon themselves to bless us and our kids this Christmas. I am truly humbled and amazed at God's provision and blessings.
I also spent a lot of time thinking about Mary. Mary Did You Know has always been one of my favorite Christmas carols. Now, some of you might think this is a stretch....but bear with me. In my head it is profound and makes perfect sense ;)
I figure Mary and I have a lot in common. Both of us spent time raising a child(ren) that were not ours from the start. Mary held and rocked Jesus knowing that she would one day have to give Him up. I hold and comfort kids that most likely will leave me someday for their 'real parents'. I am sure Mary soaked up all the snuggles and time with young Jesus because she knew that one day His mission and purpose would take Him away from her. I soak up every hug and snuggle and 'I love you' because I know that someday they may go back to a life that does not encourage such tenderness.
But in all my comparing, I came up with one major difference. I love, comfort, and nurture these kids because it is what they are lacking (have lacked) and what THEY NEED. I wonder how many times Mary held baby Jesus and realized how much SHE NEEDED Him. How much the whole world had lacked what He had the power to give. I wonder how many times she tucked Him in at night and pour out her worries and concerns for the future as He snored peacefully near by.
As a mother, it is a lot to take in...it is a lot to think about. I'm not sure that I could have done what Mary did. However, when push comes to shove...she was willing to be used. She was willing to say 'the heck with what others say....I will follow His will for my life, and not my own'. She was not afraid to be uncomfortable in a selfish world that preaches comfort at all cost.
Francis Chan is one of my favorite inspirational authors. God used his book, The Forgotten God, to encourage me to take a pretty big leap of faith a few years ago. And his words and quotes ring in my head quite often....
“But God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through.”
As you stare 2015 in the face, are you willing to be uncomfortable? Are you willing to take a step that DEPENDS on God coming through on His promises? Everyone's comfort level is different and thus what makes us uncomfortable will look different. Whatever it is for you, I pray you have the strength and faith to be uncomfortable this new year.
“It is true that God may have called you to be exactly where you are. But, it is absolutely vital to grasp that he didn’t call you there so you could settle in and live your life in comfort and superficial peace.”
Monday, December 1, 2014
Whoa God...to much!! to much!!
:) I hate that it has been so long since my last blog post!! I take my computer when I think I am going to have time....but then I don't. I have great intentions of updating after the kids are in bed.....but then I fall asleep. So....here it is :)
A TON has happened since the last blog post. First off, let me explain this posts title.
Soon after my last update, Papa and I were made aware that bio dad was attending our church in hopes of receiving help from the homeless ministry there. We had been told (because it is what he told the courts) that he had returned back to his home state. We were surprised and shocked to find out that he was living homeless here in our backyard!!
Immediately I start asking, 'Why God? Why are you making this so difficult?' I immediately feel as though I am being tested. How much can I handle? Do we ask him to stop coming? Can we legally do that? And then I was reminded as to why we are fostering through the private agency we are. The 'systems' goal is re-unification. That has to be our goal as well. And what is best for the kids? Parents that know and love the Lord is what is best. I remember meetings with our church staff as we asked them to be a partner church with this agency, and how the foster care ministry would be the perfect compliment to the homeless ministry. As they nurture and mentor parents, we have a safe place for their children to be placed.
Ok God. I get it. This is actually an answer to my prayer, and the perfect picture of what 'the church' is supposed to be. We honestly believe bio dad doesn't know the kids go there. Papa has seen him a few times, but we have the most amazing church family that rallies around us and the kids to protect them from seeing bio dad and not being able to go with him. My prayer every Sunday is that he does come. That he is there. And that he hears, and his life is touched.
We also had another court date. Bio dad requested that he be given custody of the kids and the ability to take them back to their home state. Bio mom remains incarcerated. (I am unsure of her release date.) DFCS was pushing to have the kids transferred to another foster home(s) in that state until that state was able to clear dad for custody. However, bio dad tested positive for drugs, so his request was denied. Bio mom WAS NOT happy to put it lightly, and wants the kids to stay put until she can 'get out'.
I was very encouraged by that. I felt a tug on my heart for her. If re-unification happens..this woman is the kids only hope. I feel very led to reach out to her. Maybe mom to mom, God can create a relationship that He can move through. This is not easy for me. I am very ignorant of drugs and addictions. I see her as lazy, selfish, and un-fit to be a mother to these kids. However, I must see her how God sees her. He loves her. He sees the amazing woman He created. This has consumed my prayer life lately. I struggle with what to say and how to say it. I struggle with not sounding 'better' than she is. I am no better than she is. I have simply been washed by grace. My Savior is better, and she desperately needs to know Him.
We are coming up on the end of our Thanksgiving holidays. We took the kids to Crackle Barrel to celebrate. We had a lot of fun and they ate a plate full!! We have court again in December. We will see then what will happen next. Your prayers are always appreciated. There is power in the unity of prayer....and Papa and I feel it!!!
A TON has happened since the last blog post. First off, let me explain this posts title.
Soon after my last update, Papa and I were made aware that bio dad was attending our church in hopes of receiving help from the homeless ministry there. We had been told (because it is what he told the courts) that he had returned back to his home state. We were surprised and shocked to find out that he was living homeless here in our backyard!!
Immediately I start asking, 'Why God? Why are you making this so difficult?' I immediately feel as though I am being tested. How much can I handle? Do we ask him to stop coming? Can we legally do that? And then I was reminded as to why we are fostering through the private agency we are. The 'systems' goal is re-unification. That has to be our goal as well. And what is best for the kids? Parents that know and love the Lord is what is best. I remember meetings with our church staff as we asked them to be a partner church with this agency, and how the foster care ministry would be the perfect compliment to the homeless ministry. As they nurture and mentor parents, we have a safe place for their children to be placed.
Ok God. I get it. This is actually an answer to my prayer, and the perfect picture of what 'the church' is supposed to be. We honestly believe bio dad doesn't know the kids go there. Papa has seen him a few times, but we have the most amazing church family that rallies around us and the kids to protect them from seeing bio dad and not being able to go with him. My prayer every Sunday is that he does come. That he is there. And that he hears, and his life is touched.
We also had another court date. Bio dad requested that he be given custody of the kids and the ability to take them back to their home state. Bio mom remains incarcerated. (I am unsure of her release date.) DFCS was pushing to have the kids transferred to another foster home(s) in that state until that state was able to clear dad for custody. However, bio dad tested positive for drugs, so his request was denied. Bio mom WAS NOT happy to put it lightly, and wants the kids to stay put until she can 'get out'.
I was very encouraged by that. I felt a tug on my heart for her. If re-unification happens..this woman is the kids only hope. I feel very led to reach out to her. Maybe mom to mom, God can create a relationship that He can move through. This is not easy for me. I am very ignorant of drugs and addictions. I see her as lazy, selfish, and un-fit to be a mother to these kids. However, I must see her how God sees her. He loves her. He sees the amazing woman He created. This has consumed my prayer life lately. I struggle with what to say and how to say it. I struggle with not sounding 'better' than she is. I am no better than she is. I have simply been washed by grace. My Savior is better, and she desperately needs to know Him.
We are coming up on the end of our Thanksgiving holidays. We took the kids to Crackle Barrel to celebrate. We had a lot of fun and they ate a plate full!! We have court again in December. We will see then what will happen next. Your prayers are always appreciated. There is power in the unity of prayer....and Papa and I feel it!!!
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